Why we should be glad that Superheroes aren’t real

Other than the fact that uniformed officers will lose their ability to shoot straight or capture any criminals, they will make us shit in our pants.

Why?

… Lets take DC’s iconic Superman and Wonder Woman as an example, ignoring the fact that ones an Alien and the other’s an Amazones.

Superman –

Why this boy scout will make us shit ourselves?
Fuckin’ hell!!! LOOK AT THOSE MUSCLES! Superman’s whole body is covered with rock-hard muscle tissues, so of course no bullet can harm him. He even has bulging muscles in place where there aren’t supposed to be muscles! So I wouldn’t be surprised if the smallest and the most insignificant muscle’s able to lift a cow, and if his involuntary muscles were steel-plated. Hell, I bet he can do push ups with his pecks.

Looking good in spandex is one thing. Having freakishly large muscle capacity is another.
If Superman was real, his body will look some what like this…

Or better yet, this…

It also makes me wonder what on earth makes criminals in Metropolis commit petit crimes like hold-ups and bank robbery, when you know that a moving and breathing muscles in a form of a man is protecting the city.

And if Superman was real, I highly doubt that he would be serving justice.
His abnormal growth of muscle will be the result from high level of testosterone (thank you Biology), and high level of testosterone will make people more aggressive with a short attention span. So ladies and gents, the next time you’re at the toll booth you wouldn’t want to be taking your time. Who knows, Clark Kent might be driving right behind you… and he has heat vision, or even worse, x-ray vision to give you cancer. :'(

Superman’s aggression will probably be let out by leading a life of crime.
Let it be street fights, flipping the table during dinner time and shouting what a crappy wife he has, cussing at people while driving, raping little boys etc.

mhm :)
((Checkout this epic picture of Superman vs. Doomsday!))

Now, lets move onto…

Wonder Woman –

Wonder Woman has superhuman strength that can fuck you up.
Imagine her PMSing… not a beautiful sight is it?

She’s good looking, and her physique is feminine considering the fact that her powers can match Superman’s.
But she wouldn’t be so beautiful if she was real, or at least her body was real…

She’d be a body double of Superman, because she’s equally as strong as him.

She will look like a tranny.

She will not have boobs, but instead, muscular pecks. So you’re better off grabbing your own ass cheeks.

She’s probably also gonna have increase in growth of facial hair, chest hair and ass hair. As well as sounding like Hulk Hogan, acting like Hulk Hogan and looking like Hulk Hogan.

It would even be like having sex with Hulk Hogan. To be that fucking strong, you’d have to be on the fucking strength pills. And steroids for women will turn their clitpris into a mini-peen, and it might even be bigger than yours.  When the clit’s erect, it’s functional  like a normal penis with the head and all… without the semen of course.
I watched a documentary called “How to masturbate an elephant and other stories” few months ago, and if I remember correctly, it’s the same with female hyenas. Their clit’s like the same size as the male hyena’s peen,… and it’s all natural.

Aren’t we all glad she’s a fictional character?

Imagine yourself at Walmart, and you see that rubber gloves are on bargain!
You’re dying to have rubber gloves for some odd reason, so you go charging at the rubber glove stand at full speed.
To your luck, there’s just one left!
You reach your hand and about to grab it, when you see another hand extending towards it.
But you were faster and more cunning, enabling to get to the prize before the other person.
You look up, and to your horror it’s Wonder Woman.

What do you do?
You desperately need those rubber gloves!
a) I grabbed them first, so it’s mine!
b) Give them to Wonder Woman, my life comes before those rubber gloves *cries*

If you chose a): Wonder Woman raises her arms as you run away with the rubber gloves. With her steroid-fied manly voice she shouts; “Time to die!”. Out of nowhere, her golden lasso is summoned from her hands, striking towards you.  It wraps around you, bounding you, as Wonder Woman stomps towards you. Her hands grabs hold of your head, you shut your eyes.  With one devastating swift move, she breaks your neck. Your adventure is over.

*

If you chose b): Wonder Woman glares at you, as your shaking hands offer her the rubber gloves. She snatches them from your hand as she looks down on you.  Suddenly  with her booming voice she says; “I thank you for your  kindness, let me do you a favour”.  She tells you to extended your hands forward, you do as she demands. Her muscular hands wraps around yours, and with brutal force, she clamps your hand between hers’. CRACK! Your hands are fucked up for good; bones are sticking out, fingers bended in every direction and is all bloodied. You fall to your knees screaming, and as she walks away she says; “Now you will never need to buy any gloves”. Your adventure is over.

… Therefore you will never want to run into Wonder Woman. If you do, go into a fetal position and pray for a miracle. That’s all you can do.

Hah, imagine an island full of women like her!

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4 Responses to “Why we should be glad that Superheroes aren’t real”

  1. Powerful Man Says:

    I have seen so many better looking strong women…the bodybuilder is a bad example >:P

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