Archive for Superman

Why we should be glad that Superheroes aren’t real

Posted in All Blogs, Comics, DC Comic with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 4, 2008 by Mao

Other than the fact that uniformed officers will lose their ability to shoot straight or capture any criminals, they will make us shit in our pants.

Why?

… Lets take DC’s iconic Superman and Wonder Woman as an example, ignoring the fact that ones an Alien and the other’s an Amazones.

Superman –

Why this boy scout will make us shit ourselves?
Fuckin’ hell!!! LOOK AT THOSE MUSCLES! Superman’s whole body is covered with rock-hard muscle tissues, so of course no bullet can harm him. He even has bulging muscles in place where there aren’t supposed to be muscles! So I wouldn’t be surprised if the smallest and the most insignificant muscle’s able to lift a cow, and if his involuntary muscles were steel-plated. Hell, I bet he can do push ups with his pecks.

Looking good in spandex is one thing. Having freakishly large muscle capacity is another.
If Superman was real, his body will look some what like this…

Or better yet, this…

It also makes me wonder what on earth makes criminals in Metropolis commit petit crimes like hold-ups and bank robbery, when you know that a moving and breathing muscles in a form of a man is protecting the city.

And if Superman was real, I highly doubt that he would be serving justice.
His abnormal growth of muscle will be the result from high level of testosterone (thank you Biology), and high level of testosterone will make people more aggressive with a short attention span. So ladies and gents, the next time you’re at the toll booth you wouldn’t want to be taking your time. Who knows, Clark Kent might be driving right behind you… and he has heat vision, or even worse, x-ray vision to give you cancer. :'(

Superman’s aggression will probably be let out by leading a life of crime.
Let it be street fights, flipping the table during dinner time and shouting what a crappy wife he has, cussing at people while driving, raping little boys etc.

mhm :)
((Checkout this epic picture of Superman vs. Doomsday!))

Now, lets move onto…

Wonder Woman –

Wonder Woman has superhuman strength that can fuck you up.
Imagine her PMSing… not a beautiful sight is it?

She’s good looking, and her physique is feminine considering the fact that her powers can match Superman’s.
But she wouldn’t be so beautiful if she was real, or at least her body was real…

She’d be a body double of Superman, because she’s equally as strong as him.

She will look like a tranny.

She will not have boobs, but instead, muscular pecks. So you’re better off grabbing your own ass cheeks.

She’s probably also gonna have increase in growth of facial hair, chest hair and ass hair. As well as sounding like Hulk Hogan, acting like Hulk Hogan and looking like Hulk Hogan.

It would even be like having sex with Hulk Hogan. To be that fucking strong, you’d have to be on the fucking strength pills. And steroids for women will turn their clitpris into a mini-peen, and it might even be bigger than yours.  When the clit’s erect, it’s functional  like a normal penis with the head and all… without the semen of course.
I watched a documentary called “How to masturbate an elephant and other stories” few months ago, and if I remember correctly, it’s the same with female hyenas. Their clit’s like the same size as the male hyena’s peen,… and it’s all natural.

Aren’t we all glad she’s a fictional character?

Imagine yourself at Walmart, and you see that rubber gloves are on bargain!
You’re dying to have rubber gloves for some odd reason, so you go charging at the rubber glove stand at full speed.
To your luck, there’s just one left!
You reach your hand and about to grab it, when you see another hand extending towards it.
But you were faster and more cunning, enabling to get to the prize before the other person.
You look up, and to your horror it’s Wonder Woman.

What do you do?
You desperately need those rubber gloves!
a) I grabbed them first, so it’s mine!
b) Give them to Wonder Woman, my life comes before those rubber gloves *cries*

If you chose a): Wonder Woman raises her arms as you run away with the rubber gloves. With her steroid-fied manly voice she shouts; “Time to die!”. Out of nowhere, her golden lasso is summoned from her hands, striking towards you.  It wraps around you, bounding you, as Wonder Woman stomps towards you. Her hands grabs hold of your head, you shut your eyes.  With one devastating swift move, she breaks your neck. Your adventure is over.

*

If you chose b): Wonder Woman glares at you, as your shaking hands offer her the rubber gloves. She snatches them from your hand as she looks down on you.  Suddenly  with her booming voice she says; “I thank you for your  kindness, let me do you a favour”.  She tells you to extended your hands forward, you do as she demands. Her muscular hands wraps around yours, and with brutal force, she clamps your hand between hers’. CRACK! Your hands are fucked up for good; bones are sticking out, fingers bended in every direction and is all bloodied. You fall to your knees screaming, and as she walks away she says; “Now you will never need to buy any gloves”. Your adventure is over.

… Therefore you will never want to run into Wonder Woman. If you do, go into a fetal position and pray for a miracle. That’s all you can do.

Hah, imagine an island full of women like her!

The Dark Hound Strikes!… with intense cuteness

Posted in All Blogs, Cartoon, Comics, DC Comic with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 2, 2008 by Mao

You know what New Earth’s Batman is missing?

Ace, the Bat-Hound!

Ace first appeared in the Silver-age Batman series. A crime fighting dog, GENIUS! He’s supposedly a German Shepperd, but he looks more like a Great Dane to me.

I think it would be so sweet if the dark and mysterious Batman has a soft spot for his Acey!
Batman: “Aren’t you a good little Acey? Who’s a good boy? WHO’S A GOOD BOY? Yes your are, you shweet wittle pumpkin!”
*Robin walks in*
Batman:” … he… I…” *whips out a Batarang, and does his Bat-glare*

You know, when I grow up and own a house and a steady job, I want an Australian Sheepdog and name him Ace. Also a ferret called Hubert (Bertie) and a hedgehog called Oscar.
Yes I’m lame, get over it.

… gotta love the old ‘holy guacamole’ Batman!

Ace is so hardcore, that he gets to wear Batman’s extra Bat-undies as his costume!
… lucky bastard.

It’s a little creepy to know that a dog can identify its owner in photos. Ace shouldn’t be fighting crime! Instead he should be blackmailing Bruce for a life of luxury. And Batman,… why does he keep a picture of himself and Dick in the Batcave? oh wait, it’s totally normal for Batman, since he hangs pictures of himself as Batman and Superman in Wayne Manor.

It’s no surprise that Bane and Two-Face found out his identity.

To be honest, I didn’t know about Ace the Bat-Hound until I came across Krypto the Superdog few months ago.
And this episode is when Ace meets The Dog Stars (a group of super-powered dogs).
Watch from 0:44 – 2:20. And if you have time, watch the whole thing.

Told ya, intense cuteness.
Ace is what keeps the show full of awesomeness!, because Krypto is… well… um… boring to watch. Ace also does the Bat-glare and proclaims himself to be Batman’s partner, and not a pet. Fuckin’ hilarious.

“RUFF, RUFF and AWAY!”

Why DC can Grill Steak Marvel’s ass

Posted in All Blogs, Cartoon, Comics, DC Comic, Gambit and Rogue, Legion of Superheroes, Marvel, Movies, Runaways, The Flash with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 30, 2008 by Mao

Welcome to my new blog entry, in which I show my extreme biased opinion towards the never ending battle between DC Comics and Marvel :) … and I am clearly a DC supporter. *waves DC flag*

I’ll keep this blog short and sweet, while I make my Mac ‘n Cheese.

My pasta’s spiral :)

So why DC can stir-fry Marvel?
DC Comics clearly have a much better movie lineup coming up, compared to Marvel! and The Dark Knight clearly out-did Spiderman 3.

DC’s lineup…

The Spirit (2008)

Watchmen (2009)

Wonder Woman (2009) – animated, straight to DVD

Superman: Man of Steel (2009)

Teen Titans: The Judas Contract (rawr!) – animated, straight to DVD

Jonah Hex (2010)

The Flash (2010)

Justice League: Mortal (2011)

Y: The Last Man (idk?)

Most of them are still in the pre-production stage. So hopefully, all of them makes it to the big screens/DVD *crosses finger*

Watchmen is the next on the lineup (after the Frank Miller-fied Spirit). and I just watched the latest film trailer. Is it awesome, or is it AWESOME? It looks plain amazing and epic! Nothing like The Fantastic Four or Hulk! In the past few years/months, we were bombarded with average Marvel movies. Now it’s DC’s turn to hit the silver screens with waaay brill movies.

… and are they seriously making another Superman movie?
No offense to the big man, but he’s kinda… boring. And his only real enemy are Kryptonites… OMG, unless they’re planning on using Dark Seid as the villain! :O Then that would be so cool!

Ok, Teen Titans: The Judas Contract. I can’t express how frustrated I am with this. I heard about the pre-production of this movie more than a year ago. Few months ago, I checked back to how it was doing. Then they decided to put it ‘on hold’ because they aren’t sure if there are enough fans to support it.
*grumble grumble*
This straight to DVD film was scheduled to be released before Wonder Woman, but now it’s pushed back. Plus, Kid Flash and Jericho aren’t even gonna be in it … WHYYYY, KID FLAAAAAAASH, WHHHHHY?!?!?!!! I still do have high hopes for this DVD, since it does have an amazing storyline.
If anyone from DC Comics is reading this, I will bloody purchase the DVD! Release it now! … please? :)

Fuck, pasta!
… over cooked my pasta! Now it’s all soft and squiggy. :( Oh well, at least it’s still edible.

Jonah Hex. Are you shitting me?
Unless someone on IMDB is joking around, why are they making this film. I don’t think his fan-base is big enough. *shrugs*

The Flash!!!
FYb kjd ngbl kndykb;mu, need I say more? :DDDDDDDDDDDD
Fuckin’ hell! They better release it by 2010, and not push it back! I vote for Ryan Reynolds as The Flash, Wally West, the man!
nyahahhahaha!

Justice League: Mortal sounds bloody brilliant! I’ll deffinatley need another blog post for this, but this thing is gonna be huge! I’m telling ya now! But Adam Brody as The Flash (rumoured), oh pah-lease! If it really is him, I’m gonna hate the fangirls that’s gonna come along with him. And ima be crossing my fingers in hopes of Flash being Wally… and not Barry.

***

Ok, now lets checkout Marvel’s upcoming movies.

Marvel’s lineup…

Wolverine

Punisher 2 – War Zone

Ant-Man

Captain America

Nick Fury (what, again? Remake or wrong info?)

Thor

The Avengers

Runaways

I can’t be butt fucked to find the dates.

Wolverine is getting his own spin-off, and rumor says that Gambit‘s gonna be in it! … and that’s about the only pros I can think of.

Punisher‘s pretty cool, so props to him :)

Ant-Man and Thor, Laughing My Fucking Ass OFF!!!
AHHAHAHHAHA< LOLOOLOLOLOL. LMFAAOOOAOAOAOOO.
’nuff said.

LOL!

What does Ant-Man look like? An ant! Why is it okay for Batman to dress like a bat, and not for Ant-man? Because bats are cooler than ants! and what can Ant-Man to dress like an ant? hmmm… Oh yeah! Shrink into a size of an ant! How useful can that power be?!




… touche

and Please don’t tell me you weren’t expecting The Avengers as soon as you saw Ironman’s film poster.

Runaways… I think it’s gonna be farking amazaing :) Cast me me me!!! I wanna be Nico!

Now, compare Marvels’ lineup with DCs’…
Marvel, you just got served!

***

I just found out that Legion of Superheroes are gonna come out in Smallville. I don’t know why, but I don’t think Legion of Superheores are cool. I think they’re… un-cool? >.< I didn’t enjoy the cartoon version either. Season 2 was better than the first, thanks to the heroes ‘growing up’, and making it bearable to watch. It was a pleasure to watch the Lightening Dude (Live wire?) and Superman-X.
We’ll see how the Legion does in Smallville.

***

Ugh, so much for keeping it short and sweet.

And I just noticed that it’s been approximately a week since I made my WordPress account.
So yay! :)