Archive for Women

Why we should be glad that Superheroes aren’t real

Posted in All Blogs, Comics, DC Comic with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 4, 2008 by Mao

Other than the fact that uniformed officers will lose their ability to shoot straight or capture any criminals, they will make us shit in our pants.

Why?

… Lets take DC’s iconic Superman and Wonder Woman as an example, ignoring the fact that ones an Alien and the other’s an Amazones.

Superman –

Why this boy scout will make us shit ourselves?
Fuckin’ hell!!! LOOK AT THOSE MUSCLES! Superman’s whole body is covered with rock-hard muscle tissues, so of course no bullet can harm him. He even has bulging muscles in place where there aren’t supposed to be muscles! So I wouldn’t be surprised if the smallest and the most insignificant muscle’s able to lift a cow, and if his involuntary muscles were steel-plated. Hell, I bet he can do push ups with his pecks.

Looking good in spandex is one thing. Having freakishly large muscle capacity is another.
If Superman was real, his body will look some what like this…

Or better yet, this…

It also makes me wonder what on earth makes criminals in Metropolis commit petit crimes like hold-ups and bank robbery, when you know that a moving and breathing muscles in a form of a man is protecting the city.

And if Superman was real, I highly doubt that he would be serving justice.
His abnormal growth of muscle will be the result from high level of testosterone (thank you Biology), and high level of testosterone will make people more aggressive with a short attention span. So ladies and gents, the next time you’re at the toll booth you wouldn’t want to be taking your time. Who knows, Clark Kent might be driving right behind you… and he has heat vision, or even worse, x-ray vision to give you cancer. :'(

Superman’s aggression will probably be let out by leading a life of crime.
Let it be street fights, flipping the table during dinner time and shouting what a crappy wife he has, cussing at people while driving, raping little boys etc.

mhm :)
((Checkout this epic picture of Superman vs. Doomsday!))

Now, lets move onto…

Wonder Woman –

Wonder Woman has superhuman strength that can fuck you up.
Imagine her PMSing… not a beautiful sight is it?

She’s good looking, and her physique is feminine considering the fact that her powers can match Superman’s.
But she wouldn’t be so beautiful if she was real, or at least her body was real…

She’d be a body double of Superman, because she’s equally as strong as him.

She will look like a tranny.

She will not have boobs, but instead, muscular pecks. So you’re better off grabbing your own ass cheeks.

She’s probably also gonna have increase in growth of facial hair, chest hair and ass hair. As well as sounding like Hulk Hogan, acting like Hulk Hogan and looking like Hulk Hogan.

It would even be like having sex with Hulk Hogan. To be that fucking strong, you’d have to be on the fucking strength pills. And steroids for women will turn their clitpris into a mini-peen, and it might even be bigger than yours.  When the clit’s erect, it’s functional  like a normal penis with the head and all… without the semen of course.
I watched a documentary called “How to masturbate an elephant and other stories” few months ago, and if I remember correctly, it’s the same with female hyenas. Their clit’s like the same size as the male hyena’s peen,… and it’s all natural.

Aren’t we all glad she’s a fictional character?

Imagine yourself at Walmart, and you see that rubber gloves are on bargain!
You’re dying to have rubber gloves for some odd reason, so you go charging at the rubber glove stand at full speed.
To your luck, there’s just one left!
You reach your hand and about to grab it, when you see another hand extending towards it.
But you were faster and more cunning, enabling to get to the prize before the other person.
You look up, and to your horror it’s Wonder Woman.

What do you do?
You desperately need those rubber gloves!
a) I grabbed them first, so it’s mine!
b) Give them to Wonder Woman, my life comes before those rubber gloves *cries*

If you chose a): Wonder Woman raises her arms as you run away with the rubber gloves. With her steroid-fied manly voice she shouts; “Time to die!”. Out of nowhere, her golden lasso is summoned from her hands, striking towards you.  It wraps around you, bounding you, as Wonder Woman stomps towards you. Her hands grabs hold of your head, you shut your eyes.  With one devastating swift move, she breaks your neck. Your adventure is over.

*

If you chose b): Wonder Woman glares at you, as your shaking hands offer her the rubber gloves. She snatches them from your hand as she looks down on you.  Suddenly  with her booming voice she says; “I thank you for your  kindness, let me do you a favour”.  She tells you to extended your hands forward, you do as she demands. Her muscular hands wraps around yours, and with brutal force, she clamps your hand between hers’. CRACK! Your hands are fucked up for good; bones are sticking out, fingers bended in every direction and is all bloodied. You fall to your knees screaming, and as she walks away she says; “Now you will never need to buy any gloves”. Your adventure is over.

… Therefore you will never want to run into Wonder Woman. If you do, go into a fetal position and pray for a miracle. That’s all you can do.

Hah, imagine an island full of women like her!

Bra Wearing Crime Fighters!

Posted in All Blogs, Comics, DC Comic with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 2, 2008 by Mao

… I actually doubt they even wear one.

Catwoman, Oracle, Zatana, BlackCanary, PowerGirl, WonderWoman, SuperGirl, BatWoman, Vizen, PosionIvy, HarleyQuinn

L to R: Catwoman, Oracle, Zatana, Black Canary, Power Girl, Wonder Woman, Supergirl, Batwoman, Vixen, Posion Ivy, Harley Quinn

You can click for a slightly bigger version :)
Don’t you think it’s so pwetty?
Whoever in DC drew this should do a Super-male version.

I like it how Powergirl’s dress is similar to her crime fighting costume, a nice little breathing hole for her boobies. And why is Batwoman even in the picture?, she’s hardly active in the DCU at the moment. The artist should’ve replaced her with Starfire.

Some superheroines should invest in buying bras! They don’t serve the community for money, but can’t some of them at least put some paddings into their costume.

Like seriously…

Stipples much?

Like take example of Wonder Woman, she’s got big melons, but they’re kept under control by her Golden Eagle.

But sometimes her lower half isn’t covered enough.

Ouchie, a wedgie during a fight.

Power Girl’s allowed to not wear a bra. Why? Because she probably can’t find a size that fits ’em!

Seriously they are as big as her head! EACH!

I bet her powers aren’t actually a big deal. Her blows (PUNCH blows) feels hard because all the enemies are so mesmerised by the abnormality of them, that their head’s totally out from the fight.
Wouldn’t you be shitting yourself if a Double F-Cup flies right in your face breaking your nose in the process?
No, it’s not your dream coming true. It’s probably going to be the last thing you see…

I smell sexual harassment!

I think he genuinly wants to visit the Grand Canyon.
Grand canyon’s red, and Blue Devil’s blue. So I’m sure the colour’s dynamics will bring out his beautiful complexion.

See?

God, I love talking about Power Girl’s boobs.
Because there’s so much to say about!
Take a look at this Lego Power Girl. Flat, but the shading gives them volume.

ahaha, Dr. Fate’s legs. cute.

As a female, I think her character’s boring. There’s nothing too interesting about her. Her boobs makes me divert my attention else where. Her hair’s cute, but that’s about it. But looking at it from a guy’s point of view, I know why most of them they likes her.

Click for bigger... if it gets any bigger.

Click for bigger... if it gets any bigger.

Lemme spell it out,
BOOBS.

Yeah, it’s awesome for guys since they like boobs. But don’t you think it’s a bit too big? I mean like, you don’t see guys with unbelievably MASSIVE cock bulging in their trousers do you? Nu uh.
I rest my case.

Lets actually move on from the subject of Power Girl and Boobs to,,,

Black Canary and her awesomeness! She wears stripper boots and fish net stockings, but she doesn’t look skanky. You know why? … because she wears a biker jacket! (ahaha, I couldn’t come up with a better reason)
Checkout her (not so) recent Mattel release,

I think they did an awesome job.
… Considering that I had a childhood in which I disliked Barbie and any human dolls.

While I’m on the topic of Black Canary, I think I consider her as one of my favourite heroines. She’s cool and kicks major ass at melee combat. My others including Rogue, Ravager and Oracle. I also like Harley, such a cute psychopath :)


But none of my favourite superheroines will make it to my overall Top 5 favourite (!!! a new blog idea). I dunno, but I like my supers to be a guy.

*shakes head shamefully at tags*

Superhero Comics are for EVERYONE!

Posted in All Blogs, Batman, Comics, DC Comic, Favourites, Marvel, Movies, Nightwing with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 29, 2008 by Mao

I personally believe that anyone can like Superhero comics, and it’s not just limited to certain social-groups, age, gender and whatever.

In the past decade there’s been lots of release of Superhero-genre movies, in order to boost their comic book sales. It’s working alright! But I don’t think some people are still convinced/motivated enough to buy them. It’s probably because of the fact that the movies are directed and produced to create what the main-streamers want…

Hero strikes, Hero kicks ass of main villain, Hero gets in trouble (usually caused by the main villain), Hero resolves problem by kicking evil ass(es), Hero gets the girl/prize/serves good ol’ justice!

… and can’t risk to create something the audience might want to see. Basically because they want to make a hit film. And they also have limited time frame to work with as well as budget.

Movies have to end because it’s a story, but Comics are like soap-operas.

But comics, man!, they have all the time they want! Story-arcs can go on as long or as short as they want, and even have cross-overs, therefore having two superheroes working together. Characters can be developed continuously, giving them in-depth history to make ‘connections’ with the readers, as well as sudden revelations to make the readers go “WTFOMGBBQ! I didn’t see that coming!”. Relationships between characters will grow as years of publishing goes by, let it be friendships or romantic. Then there’s death, which will show mourning of close friends and family, and the readers will also be affected by this, because over the years of reading/character development there is bound to be attachments.

Death scenes in movies can be emotional, but it will not be anything remotely as close to Comics.

omg I must sound like a geek who wussy cries whenever fictional characters dies… I don’t! OKAY?

What I’m trying to say is, any thing’s possible in Comics!
But what most people with misconception of comics will say is… “Superhero comics are for children”
If someone says that, bitch-slap them. Were they living under a stone boulder for the past decade or two?
Yes, some comics are for children… like… the… uhh… Mickey Mouse? But comics like Pooche Cafe and Calvin and Hobbs are for both grown-ups, teens and kiddies. Superhero comics can too, be for those demographics, unless you want your 8 year old daughter reading out loud a bedroom scene or a scene of some guy getting mutilated by another… because that will be so wrong!

Your 8 year old daughter: “ohoh, ohhhhhh *sharp in-take of breath* ah! Don’t stop!!! ah, ah, ah! You’re so good, ooooooh~ oh my god!”

So if you think Superhero comics are for kids, you’re wrong, and you’re still under the impression of Golden age comics… That’s when Robin was swooping along Batman saying “Golly gee Batman!” or “Jumpin’ jiminy Batman! Look out of those ducklings!”

Aaand, when Batman fought and killed a cougar with his bare mits…

Now, that’s hardcore. Why doesn’t he do that anymore?

Moving on,…
I being a female comic reader, wants more girlies to read them!
Why?
So we can have girl talks about Super-males!

But what women or feminists will say, other than it’s boring because it’s mindless action, is “Super-females are depicted as skanks”. First they complain that there aren’t enough Super-female characters, and now this.
I actually do agree this statement to a certain extent. Take example of Starfire…

She might as well just wear stripper boots and a leaf on her vajayjay and each nipples.

This might be me just hating on her. *waves Nightwing flag*
But if I do think about this rationally, I think her costume is suitable. Why? Because the Superhero genre is targeted in men! Duh! Yes, that statement’s contradicting to my blog title.
But this doesn’t mean the women can’t enjoy reading comic books.

Lemme tell you why,
Apart from the fact that super-female costumes makes them look like space prostitutes (except for Batgirl who’s wearing Batbondage from the S&M club), most female of species are known to be insecure about their body image. But guess what, super-females have great physique! And in reality, like 5% of the whole female population will look as great as them.
We are just self-conscious.
Men on the other hand, are less self conscious. Of course some are, but there’s less of them compared to women. And they know that the super-lad’s physique are fictional and near impossible to obtain.

This is the part where I’ll tell you why women can enjoy Superhero comics…
Fucking hell are you ladies blind?! There are motherfucking hotties with great bodies running around only wearing spandex!

Men enjoys Super-females practically wearing nothing.
Women enjoys Super-hunks practically wearing nothing.

Do you think we (females) would enjoy reading comics with fat hairy men, only wearing briefs, round-house kicking bad guys? No, we wouldn’t… i know some of you would, but the majority wouldn’t.
Do you think men would enjoy reading comics about an obese florist kicking ass only wearing lingerie? No they wouldn’t.

So jesus christ women! Give the super-female hotties a break! Give some men something to imagine about. And get yourself a copy of whatever super-hunk caught your eyes, because you’re bound to enjoy it!

Don’t think fictional characters can be hot?

Maybe a playboy? … always one step ahead of ya

Fastest Man Alive? *wink wink*

Someone so mysterious that he won’t even tell you how he’s doing?

A cup of hot Cajun anyone?

Honey, the list can go on.

Are you a pedophile?
Lets check what Superhero comics have install for you!

Behind door number one if Billy Batson! He’s what? Still 12? Gifted with the power of Shazam, he can grow!
Bigger alright!, and also stronger.
Into the one, the only, Captain Marvel!

Behind door number two is boy wonder, Dick Grayson. But I think you’ll prefer him as the Golden age Robin.
He’s flexible… VERY flexible… because he’s an acrobat, duh!
And checkout those legs!

Last but not least, you think gay Superheroes don’t exist?
You’re wrong.

Take Midnighter and Apollo, they are both regulation super-hotties. Sadly, they’re gay. Matter of fact, they’re happily married.

… and they both kick ass.

And there’s also the lesbian hard-ass cop, Renee Montoya!

*ahem*
So in conclusion, wow this scarily sounds like my school report, Comics should appeal to everyone because it’s content is so broad that it touches everything. It basically also covers most “taboo” subjects that movie producers will be wavery about.
At this point, I can’t be bothered to type anymore. So I’ll make it brief… If you haven’t recently picked up any superhero comics, go out and buy one. It’s not all Batman and Superman. There’s something for everyone.

:)

((I just realized I need a Part 2. So uh… coming soon?))