Rate ’em Batmans!

Seven live-action Batman movies has been made, counting from 1966!

Batman? Batman, seven live-action movies for you! You go Batman!

That’s not including the animated movies! Impresiiive~ And I believe that he’s the only character who has the most movies based on him. Beating out Star Wars, Indiana Jones and the Man of Steel himself. *rubs nails against chest*

In a nutshell, Bats owns you (you, you, you and yes, you too Spidey!)! You will never get seven movies based on your life, even by the time you’re 69 years old! Why you ask? Because your life ain’t anywhere as exciting as his.

Want more than seven movies based on your life?
Well I suggest you find yourself a secret base, dress up as your favourite animal, name everything after your favourite animal, get a pre-pubescent kid to be your sidekick and start kicking some ASS! Don’t forget to have extreme split personalities (you’re one step closer if you have bipolar), and have different voices for both of them. :]

What I’m getting at is that Batman’s Batcostume changes throughout each movie. From wearing tights (for real), to having rubber nipples. As well as the men under the masks, and each Batmans have certain degree of Awesomeness!

The Batmans I will be reviewing are…

– Batman (1966), Adam West

– Batman Returns (1992), Michael Keaton

– Batman Forever (1995), Val Kilmer

– Batman & Robin (1997), George Clooney

– The Dark Knight (2008), the guy who assulted his mom and sister Christian Bale

I left out Batman (1989) and Batman Begins (2005), because of repeat actors.

***

Lets start with the ideal Batman, the template of all Batmans, the man himself… Bruce Wayne! I’ll be using New Earth’s Batman, since he’s so perfect and dreamy most people are more familiar with him.

I prefer his costume to have the black and gray dynamics. It really brings out his eyes. But depending on the artist, or better yet, Batman’s mood (whether he’s feeling dark or blue on the night), he could be seen wearing navy blue instead of the black.

COSTUME … There’s nothing much to say about the comic Batman’s costume. Bat ears stickingout from the cowl, which is connected to his cape (Spawn-like cape in the 2nd picture, which doubles that picture’s wow-factor!). Gloves with blades on the side (retractable), utility belt with all bat-goodies, black undies and thigh-length boots (with probabaly steel-plated toe). His costume is topped-off with his famous logo of a Bat!
5/5

BODY (MUSCLES)… I being Captain Obvious, will point out that he has amazingly rippling muscles… and rather freakish thigh muscles. His body type is mesomorphic, and ain’t no Apple nor a Pear, but a Rectangle. A buff rectangle. If you’re running in the dark, and bump into Batman, his rock-hard body will instantly snap your neck.

You gotta have the body to work the spandex suit!
5/5

POWERS … He stands at 6’2″ (around 185cm) weighing 210 lbs (around 95kg), and thought by many fans that he can lift double his own weight and up to atleast 800 lbs!
That’s what you can do if you’re at…
– Peak Human Strength,
– Peak Human Reflexes,
– Peak Human Agility,
– Peak Human Speed,
– Peak Human Endurance,
– Peak Human Durability.
An ofcourse, un-dying power of will to keep on fighting. Batman is also a master of many MANY martial arts, enabling him to serve many asses! He also uses intimidation (The Batglare, when he thins his eyes and just stares at you) to best of his advantage, and the best out of anyone I know.
5/5

BRUCE WAYNE AND BATMAN …

Fuck. He’s loaded with cash. He’s tall, dark and handsome. He knows how to dress. He knows how to impress the la-dies. and he’s kinda insane, too dark at times, doesn’t 100% trust his fellow JLA teammates, be obsessive about certain cases and doesn’t know how to have fun… did I mention he’s hot?
But heck, that’s what makes him Bruce Wayne/Batman.
Even though he barely shows his emotional-side as Batman, and stuck with one facial expression, he is still a good person. He takes in young Jason Todd after Batman finds him trying to steal the Batmobile’s tire, and also gets socked in the gut by him. But Bats makes him his 2nd Robin, and nurtures him. Batman’s also a legal guardian and an adoptive father of Dick Grayson (Nightwing, formerly Robin) and Tim Drake (the current Robin).

See, he’s nice! Just needs to show more lovin’!
5/5

Obviously, New Earth’s Batman gets 20/20, perfect score. He’s the ideal Batman!, even though this doesn’t neccesarily mean he’d make an ideal man you would date.

COMING UP!
Rating the other Batmans!
Who’s the best Batman?

– Batman (1966), Adam West

– Batman Returns (1992), Michael Keaton

– Batman Forever (1995), Val Kilmer

– Batman & Robin (1997), George Clooney

– The Dark Knight (2008), Christian Bale

Stay tuned…

Adam West’s Batman… or atleast what I remember of it.

Adam West’s Batman (TV series) was what first triggered my interest in comics. And no, I’m not over 40 y/o. I happened to have really bad satelite television, which aired that1960s show in the late 1990s.

I was in my early Primary school years, and as soon as I hear “nanananana Batman! Fatman! Batmaaaan~!”, I’d jump onto the sofa. I was totally mesmerized by the “Pow” “Bam” “Blam Blam”, and the obvious non-contact fighting scenes.
And I never really questioned myself how tight Burt Ward (Robin)’s groin area must be wearing those.

… doesn’t look too tight
…
… oh well…

*scrolls around on Google image search*’
… aaaand lets just say, Nostalgia > Reality

I was around 7/8 years old when I was watching it, but I wasn’t totally oblivious ’bout the details. It made me WTFOMGBBQ when Robin was getting threatened and intimidated by a supossed ‘villian’ who had the power to control a bee. Yes, a bee. Which, might I add, was totally attached to a metal (prodding) stick… prodding stick which i’ll use to poke at Batman’s Batfat.

Mmmm~ Batfaaat :)

And what I remember of the other villians weren’t really ‘evil’. They weren’t even metahumans were they? Oh wait, forgot… the power to control a bee. I bet the majority the villians were girl/boy scouts, and had amazing knot tying skills, which enabled them to always catch one of them. “Arghh! oh no, the knots too tight. Halp meeeee!”
:)
We love you Batman and Robin (and maybe Batgirl)!!!

mmm~… Bat bondage…
I bet they secretly enjoyed it.

… dude, did Bats even have Batarangs?

But then, tragedy strikes!
2/3 years later, the time slot was taken by Baywatch… t’was guilty pleasure. LOL! I pretty much had a crush on Cody. and Mitch’s son… which I forgot his name… :'(
CJ has big bewbs! and you may call me Captain Obvious.