Hello there, Captain Cold here. Besides being famous for my dashing attire from Gucci’s Winter collection, I’m one of most well-known rogues from Flash’s rogue gallery.
… and the Scarlet Speedsters got a whole bunch of ’em rogues, so that shows how famous I am.
Just to point out, there are a few visual-aids to help me through this recruitment process. If you have a hard time reading them, you can click to make it bigger.
So why should you join Flash’s Rogue Gallery?
Well I’ll tell ya why!
This gang functions like a brotherhood. Bros before hoes. We stick by each other, even through the roughest time. We respect each other.
… Fucking hell, we sound like frat guys.
The key members of the Rogues, other then myself, are; Mirror Master, Weather Wizard, Heat Wave and the new and annoying Trickster.
We have our differences, but together we’re Flash’s rogues… actually we just want to get rich and famous, but Flash gets in the way, so we result to fighting him.
We’re looking for someone who we can trust and know will stick around… certain level of ass kicking is required.
Once there was a time when we screwed up big time… when we killed Kid Flash. Everyone was like “fuck the rogues.” and ditched us. But we rogues, we stuck by each other. Fuck Libra. Fuck Secret Society. We just need each other to make things work again, and we did.
If you want to join us, you have to follow the rules. Yes, we’re “villains”, but we do have rules.
Rule #1
Never kill a Speedster.
You better be a quick learner, coz we don’t have hard-copies of the rules.
Other rules include “don’t leave the toilet seat up”, “don’t chew chewing gums in the clubhouse”, “Friday’s a pizza night”, “Thou shall respect each other”, and we’re all allocated when to water the plants.
Because we function like the brotherhood, we have dos and don’ts. We want everyone to be happy and healthy. So one of the most important rules include…
When I punch ya, it’s out of love.
After this event, we decided to make an addiction support facility, a rehab center, but only for the rogue members. We even have our own confession circle too!
Heat Wave: “I’m here because…- …”
Mirror Master: “C’mon Mick, you can say it.”
Heat Wave: “I’m here because…. because… I accidentally killed my family!”
Weather Wizard: “There there Mick,… it’s okay… we’re here for you”
If you think you can follow our simple rules, proceed to the next page.
***
Ok, glad you’re still here with us.
Now for the benefits of joining The Rogues.
We have matching jackets! If you qualify as one of us, you’ll recieve a welcome gift, via mail or hand.
You could say the Catcher in the Rye is the closest thing we have to a rule book.
We’ll also send you a fruit basket.
So what is the main function of this villainous group and how do we avoid Flash?
We, The Rogue Gallery (that’s our official name), just do our thing. Rob banks and jewellery stores, hack into a data warehouse, create havoc in Keystone City… just evil schemes to get rich quickly.
Oh, and we aren’t planning on taking over the World anytime soon. The doors right behind you.
To answer the second part of the question, we can’t avoid that nitwit Flash.
He’ll come zooming out of nowhere, and POW, he got your right at the jaw. But if we work as a team we have a chance of escaping and/or hurting him… thus the formation of the Rogues.
We offer medical insurance.
and After a long hard day, we like to party… hard!
As much as we like Mirror Master’s party, no party’s better than Flash’s. Citizens of Keystone knows how to throw an awesome one!
Gotta love that chum!
You gotta be thinking why and how the Rogue Gallery still exists since Barry Allen’s time.
That’s because we don’t get personal with the Flash. Sure, we hate his guts! But we hate the Flash, and not the man behind it.
We don’t go around killing their spouses you know?
Sometimes we’re reffered to as roaches. But without us Rogues, Flash won’t be as great and loved by the citizens. I think he knows this, and sometimes even goes easy on us.
Don’t get me wrong, he throws us into Iron Heights time to time.
We just get out from there.
… and that, ladies and gents, is how we stay in business.
and we’re also proud to quote…
“They may have goofy names and wear bright colours, but that doesn’t mean they’re idiots.”
– Flash
Hypocrite!
There you go. I hope you read this over, and consider applying to become a Rogue. Just send your curriculum vitae to the e-mail below, and if we want to meet you, we’ll give you a call.
Don’t call us, we’ll call you.
But if you have any inquiries, please do call.
E-mail: fearsome_rouges@hotmail.com
Telephone: (930) 273-2665
*****
ahaha, a cute Dick and Wally moment
… sadly, no one really cares about Connor’s death anymore, except for that whiny WW-wannabe.
360 Calories and a whole lotta Fat 